Plastic Surgeon

My Plastic Surgeon said he could make me look like a movie star. I have something that’s been bothering me. Jack Black’s a movie star, right?

I’ve always wondered how the other half-lives. So I tracked down my Siamese twin. I found him and guess what? He’s only half the man I am.

I had a kick-boxing match with a guy who they say was a liar. They told me he was also two-faced. I lost. I didn’t know which face to punch.

A famous Maestro of a major orchestra was leading an outdoor performance and lightening hit him. I guess he really was a good conductor.

I got sick once. It was so bad the Doctors said I was at death’s door. Do you know what my Wife did? She knocked and rang the door bell.

I’m bothered because some things only happen to me. Never dry change in an oven. I did, and now I have money burning a hole in my pocket.

I fell into a loom at the knitting factory. The foreman ran over and said; “Wait a minute, I think I see a pattern developing here.”

Did you ever have an unsightly mole on your face? I know it’s ugly and unattractive, but it does clean the food scraps out of my beard.

I’m bothered by concussions. I got kicked in the head by a Donkey. It’s not looking too good. The Doctor’s say I’m living on Burro’d time.

A guy ran a red light, smashed into me, got out of his car, and told me I was ugly. Man; talk about adding insult to injury.

Has this happened to you? I was set up with a blind date. She reached out and gently stroked my face and said, “Wow, you’re really ugly.”

Police found a man with a head wound and his Wife with a triangular burn mark. It seems they were trying to iron out their differences.