A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: “Keep off the Grass.”
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir. Only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.