Pastor, my dog is dead.
Could there be a service for the poor creature?
Pastor replied, “No, we can’t have service for an animal in this church.
But there is a new church down d road, Maybe, they will do something for the animal”.
The man answered, Pastor, but do u think they will accept a donation of $250,000 in return for the burial service in that church?
Pastor, exclaimed, Sweet Jesus! Why did’nt u tell me the dog was a christian.
A woman called her younger daughter and said ‘that thing between your legs is called monkey’.
One day the young girl observed that she had started growing pubic hairs, she confided in her elder sister and said.” sister, my monkey is growing hairs.”
The sister laughed heartily and replied ‘ my own monkey has started eating bananas! lol
Man Flu – The Facts…
1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)
2. Man-Flu is not ‘just a cold’. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.
3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a ‘Mild Girly Sniffle’ – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son,
“You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut, then we’ll talk about the car.”
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.
He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
One upon a time there were two evil brothers. They were filthy rich and used their money to keep their wickedness out of the public eye.
They went to church every Sunday and pretended to be perfect Christians. Their vicar was a doddery old fool who had no idea what they were really like.
But one day the vicar died and a new one took over. This vicar wasn’t a fool. He saw through the brothers straight away.
He was an eloquent, truthful and powerful speaker and, in a very short time, the congregation doubled.
How the Fight Started…
“When our lawnmower broke down and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But somehow I always had something else to take care of first… golf, the boat, making beer… always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a way to make her point.