Tag Archives: sports

Avid Golfer

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.

He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

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Filed under Golf jokes

The Neighbour joke

Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something.

“He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”

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Filed under Golf jokes

Plastic Surgeon

My Plastic Surgeon said he could make me look like a movie star. I have something that’s been bothering me. Jack Black’s a movie star, right?

I’ve always wondered how the other half-lives. So I tracked down my Siamese twin. I found him and guess what? He’s only half the man I am.

I had a kick-boxing match with a guy who they say was a liar. They told me he was also two-faced. I lost. I didn’t know which face to punch.

A famous Maestro of a major orchestra was leading an outdoor performance and lightening hit him. I guess he really was a good conductor.

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Filed under one liners



The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football.

He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left.

The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool .

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Filed under football

Paddy bought a donkey

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.

The donkey’s died.’

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Filed under Irish

An erection

One Monday morning Phil the postman is cycling through the neighborhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and wine bottles for the recycling bin.

“Morning, Derek, looks like you guys had a great party last night” Phil the postman comments.

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Filed under Sex jokes

Retired poeple

Working people frequently ask ‘retired people’ what they do to make their
days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop.
I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop
writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, “Come on, man, how about giving a retired person
a break”?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

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Filed under Police