Category Archives: Men

Dig, Dig, Dig, Old Man Joke.

Dig, Dig, Dig
 
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they Hated each other.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbours feared him.
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Government Penis Tax

The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is the male penis.

This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in a hole.

On top of that, it has two dependants and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER: effectiveAPRIL 5th , 2012 the penis will now be taxed according to size:

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Retired Husband.

This joke was left in a comment by Carol from Mountain Coward Adventures

RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. But my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Harris ,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

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Skinny dipping

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several year’s.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic table’s, horseshoe court’s, and some apple, and peach tree’s.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

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Men are like ?

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free.  Here’s an update for you.

Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?

Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders.You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

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Ass hole

Two english businessmen in Manchester were sitting down for a coffee break in their soon-to-be new store.
 
As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, ‘I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.
 

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dead mouse in chilli

A hungry but penniless bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow. He sits at the counter and notices Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks,”If you aren’t going to eat that, mind if I do?” The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, “Aye, you can go right ahead.”

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