Man Flu – The Facts…
1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)
2. Man-Flu is not ‘just a cold’. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.
3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a ‘Mild Girly Sniffle’ – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said… ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’…
‘What is Irish Viagra?’, she asked.
It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it.
Involuntary Muscle Contraction Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.
“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”
“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60.”
Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!”
Girl comes in for a Checkup
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red ‘H’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly.