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Jokes And Humour World · You can leave your own jokes in a comment if you would like to.
Jokes And Humour World 
What’s black and sits at the top of stairs?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
Good one Pete, i’ll include that one in my next one liners post. And thanks for calling.
Thanks for accepting the reverse charges 😀
No problemo 🙂
Caroline left a joke and you will be able to read it here.
Thank you Caroline, i will put that one in.
Chester left a joke and you will be able to read it here.
Thank you Chester, i will make a post with the joke and give you credit, thanks for your visit and please call again.
A group of IBM IT consultants were having a meeting in their HQ, situated on the top floor of a tall skyscraper in the city. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a helicopter hovering near to the window. Then they saw the co-pilot hold up a board by the window of his chopper – it read;
“We’re lost – can you tell us where we are please?”
The IBM consultants had a quick discussion and then one of them started to write on a large piece of card with his marker pen. He held it up to the chopper pilots – it read;
“You’re in a helicopter” !
A Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman were sitting on a girder 500 feet up the Shard where they were working as steel erectors. At lunchtime the Englishman opened his lunch box and complained “Roast Beef again, I’ll jump off this flaming building! The Scotsman looked in his box. Haggis sandwiches, ‘if I’ve told her once I’ve told her a thousand times, I’m sick to death of Haggis. I’ll be joining you tomorrow if she does this again!”
Paddy checked his lunch box. !I’m fed up of salmon paste he moaned, so help me I’m off this girder if there’s Salmon here tomorrow”.
The next day, come lunch time Paddy opened his box, took one look and jumped off the girder, falling 500 feet to his death, while Jock and the Brit looked on in horror.
At the inquest the Scot and the Britisher explained the circumstances of the tragedy, detailing the banter over their lunch sandwiches. Paddy’s wife looked on in amazement and finally burst out…” I don’t understand this, Paddy always put his own luch up”!
Father McKinnon, the parish priest in a certain small Irish village was a fanatically keen golfer and had just spent several hundred pounds on a new set of clubs that he was itching to try out. The weather had been terrible for days, but on the Sunday morning, a week after his purchase, he woke to find sunlight streaming through his window, the birds singing, and the gale reduced to a gentle breeze.
Mass was at nine o’clock and he looked at his new clubs standing by the door, and struggled with his conscience…briefly. He picked up the phone and called his curate. “Hello Father James, I’m afraid I’m not up to taking Mass this morning, would you mange by yourself today Father”? ” Yes of course” replied Father James, and so it was arranged.
Father McKinnon walked rather guiltily onto the deserted first tee, never realising who was watching!
St Peter gazed down in disbelief at the nerve of the man, a parish priest too!
God, he said indignantly, would you look at that black hearted divel, and him a priest” “Strike him down Lord, strike him down” God smiled. “Calm yourself Peter, calm yourself”.
Father McKinnon pulled out a three wood for the short par three, tee’d up and drove a lovely shot straight down the middle. The ball bounced twice and rolled into the hole. He whooped with joy. His first ever hole in one! His second shot on the par four second also found the pot and he was ecstatic over his new clubs. The round continued in like manner and he came in at fifteen under par, an apoplectic St Peter spitting feathers as he watched. Lord, Lord, what are you thinking, he’s just had a miraculous round of golf, his best ever”! God smiled gently. “Who is he going to tell”?
A Russian female weightlifter goes to the doctor and says
“I’ve been taking steroids, and I’m starting to grow a cock”
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“Anabolic?” said the doctor.
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.
.
. “No, just a cock”