Pastor, my dog is dead.
Could there be a service for the poor creature?
Pastor replied, “No, we can’t have service for an animal in this church.
But there is a new church down d road, Maybe, they will do something for the animal”.
The man answered, Pastor, but do u think they will accept a donation of $250,000 in return for the burial service in that church?
Pastor, exclaimed, Sweet Jesus! Why did’nt u tell me the dog was a christian.
A woman called her younger daughter and said ‘that thing between your legs is called monkey’.
One day the young girl observed that she had started growing pubic hairs, she confided in her elder sister and said.” sister, my monkey is growing hairs.”
The sister laughed heartily and replied ‘ my own monkey has started eating bananas! lol
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked, ‘Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working, and at your age I think that is remarkable.’
George Burns said, ‘I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.’
Oprah said, ‘I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.’
George said, ‘Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.’
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said… ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’…
‘What is Irish Viagra?’, she asked.
It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it.
Involuntary Muscle Contraction Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar…. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne…
The woman perks up and says, ‘How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!’
‘What a coincidence’ the farmer says. ‘This is a special day for me…. I am celebrating’
‘This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!’ says the woman.