Category Archives: Old people jokes

Dig, Dig, Dig, Old Man Joke.

Dig, Dig, Dig
 
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they Hated each other.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbours feared him.

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Old Grannies Joke.

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”

One of the Old Grandmas said,”Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”

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Rye bread for sex.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day.
It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

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elderly couple

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each
other for a long time.

Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. 

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

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Two eggs and bacon

My wife and I went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “Seniors’ Special” was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £2.99.

‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’

‘Then, I’ll have to charge you £3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her.

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Old lady crying

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.
I said, Well, then why are you crying.

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Drunk old man.

old drunk man joke

A police officer sees an older gentleman staggering slightly down the street.

It’s 1:00 in the morning.

The officer pulls the man over for a chat.

“Good evening, sir,” the police officer says. “Is everything OK?”

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